Which one?

Lily nodded and slipped the ribbon back into her dress sleeve and tied it in a one handed bow with the help of her teeth. She fidgeted a bit and wrung her gloved hands nervously. "I'm sorry, I-I-I didn't m-m-mean to..." She felt simply awful for having wet his shirt with her tears but he seemed to take it in good stride and mentioned he had a spare. Her worry eased as he smiled and spoke. Lily blushed hotly and stared at her hands as he reminded her that not everyone was nice. She'd learned that lesson in many difficult ways. Many years had gone by that she had barely spoken because of how people treated her on the streets. Somehow she could never bring herself to blame a single one of them.

Lily worried at her lower lip and pondered a moment. "There's a lot of bad people but I never wanna be like them." The murmur came out with a slight drawl. A bare trace of an older accent crept into her words that was indistinguishable with the soft volume of her voice. Her voice had been steady as she said it, more to herself than to her company. She came out of her reverie quickly and turned wide blue eyes to Cyrus with a slight curve of a smile. "I'm g-g-glad I m-m-met you. Momma a-a-always said a m-m-man with g-g-good taste in h-h-hats is th-th-the best c-c-company." giggled at the statement as the heat in her cheeks began to fade.

"I g-g-guess she w-w-was right! I-I-I was b-b-beginning to f-f-forget h-h-how it feels t-t-to smile." She meant it. Leo, Mikhail, Charli, and Cyrus were all people who had reminded her how it felt to laugh and be happy. Even if those moments only lasted for the duration of their presence it was all bringing a spark back into her life she had thought died many years ago. Maybe she wasn't so lost after all. It was nice to meet people who cared about others and especially ones who were nice to her. She'd find a way to thank them all for it someday. Surely there was something she could do to show her appreciation. She'd have to figure herself out first.

Lily sighed softly and pulled a fan out of her backpack without removing it first. She snapped the lacy thing open and gently wafted the air at her face. It was so hot during the day and here it was stifling. She was amazed she hadn't soaked her dress with sweat already. At least it was a dry heat and not humid. Humidity was the worst, it made the heat of the day even more sweltering and sticky. "Someday..." She paused and took a deep breath. If she could say this without stuttering she'd be proud of herself. Maybe it wouldn't work the first time but she needed to practice keeping her voice steady when speaking to people. She had a reason to talk to people now, even if there were only a few people she would be courageous enough to speak to.

Her voice came smoothly but still trembled slightly as she focused on her words more than anything else. A faraway look swept into her eyes as she fanned herself and stared off into the bright blue sky. "Someday, I want to heal the world of hatred, loneliness, and pain. I don't like it when people cry, nobody should have to cry over loved ones lost prematurely or of ridicule. I want to make the world as bright and happy as Sissy was. A world with as much love as she had..." Tears welled up in Lily's eyes again at the mention of her sister but only one escaped down her cheek as she smiled. Ceci would have liked Cyrus. She would have enjoyed his company as thoroughly as she did. It took so much focus to not break down right there in front of him. Maybe she shouldn't have said anything about it at all...

Cyrus stared at her, not rudely, just inquisitively. He wondered to himself what makes someone like her forget to smile? What had happened to her? What happened to her mom and this Sissy? And why she wanted to take away the world's pain?

There was a saying at one point that those who get hurt the most are the kindest people, because they are empathetic towards others, knowing firsthand what the worst pain feels like. It was one of the reasons he tried to help people who deserved it, those who treated others well. You get what you give, after all. Was that her story? He didn't know, And he didn't want to pry. Sometimes you feel like the point in life was to learn to live with the consequences of the bad decisions you made. He certainly felt like that someday. But That was his burden, and while he was more than willing to take her's as well, some thought it an insult to try.

She began to cry again, but this time only a single tear fell, a sad smile on her face, her thoughts a thousand miles from here. Somewhere where she was happy. Until it came down, hard. He saw her begin to break down again. Oh no. He didn't want her to be sad. Without thinking, he put his left arm around her.

I'm sorry.

Lily leaned into his hold and propped herself against his side as the tears struggled to free themselves from her eyes. Her voice would be soft when she finally spoke again. A long pause stretched between them like a black chasm opening up to swallow the young woman's thoughts. It was a pained silence for her, why was he apologizing? He hadn't done anything to be sorry for. She could remember the first night she heard the news, it had destroyed her heart and soul to hear.

Lily sat in shock enveloped by the plush cushions of the big red chair that had always been her favorite. Too numb to feel or think, she just slouched back as her tiny feet hung off the edge without touching the floor. She'd heard Daddy's words, she understood them but everything had ceased to make sense. Even the simplest of things confounded her at that moment. How? Why? Dead? What had happened? A car accident. It had been a drunk driver that had taken the lives of her mother and her sister and yet Lily felt no anger. It hadn't really been his fault, it had been hers. This was the price she paid for her anger.

It felt like a fist of ice was clutching her heart and finally the feeling had just frozen her to the core with shock. Blue eyes watched her father cry. She had never seen him cry before, not once. Not even when Auntie Lisa had passed away. He had been sad yes, but he had not cried. She had made a mistake and now Daddy suffered too. The feeling began to come back like a rising tide that was on a death race to drown her. She slipped out of the chair and ran outside. She ran deep into the woods until her legs burned and she collapsed in a clearing not far from the highway.

The din of a few and far between cars passing at high speeds lent a sound to the thickets of the forest like a demon's slumber. Lily looked up at the gray and black sky and screamed as the tears finally flowed free. "I'M SORRY! CECI! MOMMA! I'M SORRY! I'm sorry... Ceci, forgive me" She choked on the tears and snot that ran like rivers as she sniveled and vent her soul at the sky. How could this happen? Ceci had said it was going to be okay. Lily had promised she'd be a better big sister. She'd promised she'd never get angry again. Now how could she keep her promises?

She screamed and wailed into the night like a tormented spirit. "GIVE THEM BACK! THEY DIDN'T DESRVE IT! Please! Take me. Anything.. Don't make Daddy cry anymore. Please." Lily's voice died away into a whimper as she curled up on the ground. The stars only twinkled and shone in silent observation, but neither they nor the moon nor the storm clouds offered her an answer. Lily shrieked well into the night until at last her wrath was spent demanding that whatever god there was bring her mother and sister back. She cried herself into exhaustion both physical and mental before she passed out voicelessly in the brush as it began to rain almost as though in answer to her sorrow.

Lily came back to reality to find she had tears rolling down her face and that she had buried her face in her hands at some point. She sniffled and quickly made to wipe them away with a soft exhale. "Don't be sorry, it was my fault." She'd done bad, she felt even more miserable than before. Cyrus was so kind to listen to her tears and try to comfort her, but some wounds just didn't heal with time alone. She pulled a few old rags out of her backpack and withdrew Zachary Binx from his little place in the front pocket. The stuffed toy she cluched to her chest in a childish fashion while she dabbed her whining eyes with the corner of a rag.

She tried to place a smile on her lips but it felt completely wrong. She hugged Binx with both arms and pushed him up under her chin until her head was on her toy's. If only she could heal the dead or turn back time. A really useful type of magic, something that could have fixed that night's wrong. Some way to keep her promises. She stared at the ground until the tears began to slow. "It's my fault Momma and Sissy are gone." The words seemed to soothe her tears but not her heart. I ached to remember. Sometimes she wished she could simply forget. Maybe then she'd be okay.

Cyrus was too kind, she'd imposed upon him enough. She slid off the bench and turned tearful eyes to him. "I shouldn't burden you with my tears. You've been so kind. Thank you for everything, but I should be going before I burden you further..." The only shaking in her voice now seemed to be her difficulty keeping her breaths even. Almost like a switch had flipped off with the outburst.

She tried to show him a smile but it fell away almost as soon as she had it in place. She hoped he wouldn't be sad today because of her. He didn't deserve sadness, he deserved a smile. Maybe the rest of his day could be filled with smiles. That would be nice. She'd find a way to thank him for listening to her cry while she had suffered in her own thoughts.

She bowed politely, the tears still slipping passed her lashes. A few small drops decorated the ground before she straightened and went to gather her open parasol. She called herself every word for fool she could imagine silently. How could she have been so rude? He had shown her nothing but nicety and she had ruined his kindness with her piteous crying. How awful, it simply wasn't acceptable. Her hand stopped around the parasol's grip. What did he think of her? Was she an idiot in his eyes too? No, he was too nice to say so. She hoped he'd have a good day when she left. Without her tears to dampen his spirits he'd probably have a much better time.

Yet, part of her was begging him to stop her and simply hug her. An old memory of what it was like to be cared about. She wanted someone to hug her the way Momma had when she'd cried. To shush her and sing or tell her everything would be alright. Would everything be alright? Probably not, not now and not ever. Lily couldn't imagine anything ever being alright with two of the people she loved most taken brutally before their times. He'd probably think she was a complete boob for such a desire...

She Leaned into his embrace, tears and pain obvious on her face as the black hole of her past sucked her into her own body. It was obvious a painful memory. He cursed himself. Why did he have to make her go there? She had only tried to help him pick a damn hat, Had opened up to him, when it was obvious why she was so shy. But did he help her? Did he make her feel any better? No, he’d just dug that knife someone had put into her back a little deeper. And he hated himself for it. Sometimes it felt to him like the point of his life was to learn to deal with the consequences of the bad decisions he had made. Leaving his hometown, leaving his past. Leaving his family to die at the hands of that kishin...now this. Was there anything in his life that he couldn’t screw up?

Mme. Lilly finally came out of her own private hell, wiping her tears away with a rag from her pocket. She withdrew a stuffed toy from another pocket, cradling it like it was the most precious thing in the world. Maybe to her it was.

"Don't be sorry, it was my fault."

She tried to smile again, trying to say that everything was okay. But whether to herself or him, he couldn’t tell. But it shattered. Her tears continued to fall.

"It's my fault Momma and Sissy are gone."

Her tears slowed, though her pain was still obvious on her face. A song popped into his head that went “If I could hold back the Rain, Would you numb the pain? Cause I remember Everything” . It was a song that he played when his own past came and rode his soul with spurs on. The song seemed to fit her too. unfortunately.

She slid off the bench they had been sitting on, excusing herself, saying she didn’t want to burden him, bowing politely as her tears still fell before beginning to walk away. But she wasn’t a burden. And if she was, then it was one he would readily carry.
She was walking, step by step, back out into the world. Something wasn't right though. Maybe it was the way she had looked at him before she left, or maybe it was the universe, in all its infinite wisdom, screaming at him that if he let her walk out, he would regret it, just to make sure that she would be all right. A fragment of a poem he once read came back to him, long forgotten until now.

“Do I dare?
Do I dare Disturb the universe?”

And in that he had his answer. Without proper thought, Cyrus stood up, closing the distance between them as fast as he could without it seeming like he was chasing her. He put a hand on he shoulder, Gently turning her around. And hugged her. He didn’t know why. He usually didn’t act this way. His was the way of hard knocks, of stoic face and emotional strength. But he knew what she had been through, and when his family had died, no matter how strong he had appeared, all he had wanted was for someone to hold him, to care. And now he saw someone else in that exact same boat. He was sorry that she had to go through that.No one should.
“ I'm sorry that you feel this way. I'm sorry that you have to feel that hole in your chest where they used to be. I'm sorry that it never really heals, but that you just go a little longer without breaking down. I'm sorry that you lost someone too, and that you have this burden to bear. And Im sorry that I can’t take it from you” He let go a little, holding the small girl at arms length, trying his hardest to be gentle. He didn't want to hurt her.
But no matter how much we kick ourselves, saying we should have been there, that we could have, through some miracle, saved them. And that we didn't makes us the bad guy, that we killed them. But we didn't. It wasn't your fault, Lilly. So please don't cry"

Lily was shocked when she felt the hand on her shoulder and even more when she was pulled into an embrace by Cyrus. He held her the way Momma had when she'd cried. He spoke to her and her soul bubbled up in a tumult of tears and long suppressed sorrow. The flood gates burst open and she sobbed into his shoulder. He didn't think she was a fool at all. He cared and even more, he understood her agony. Would he really take her burden if he could? He was too kind, it was almost painful to hear such kindness from anyone but from him it was the balm she had needed so sorely in her many years of wandering.

He had just the right words to soothe her spirit and make her feel better. Putting herself in the pain wasn't right but it was how she dealt with it. It wasn't much dealing with it so much as running from it. He was right though, she had to be stronger. As he loosened his grip and spoke to her earnestly she listened raptly with Binx held to her chest. Please don't cry. She smiled wanly at that and hugged him around the shoulders gently as tears spilled from her like never before. All the wounds were so raw when they were actually poked, she couldn't help it.

Would it be alright to cry a little longer? He would understand she was sure. He had lost someone the same as she had. She would have to give him a gift, something beautiful from her soul like he'd given her. She let go of him without an answer more than the tearful smile on her face as she steadied her breath and sang for him. It was the only song she knew that could give her the strength to give Cyrus the gift of her own song. The song that spoke to her most in this moment.

Lily stepped back as she poured her soul into the song, the words falling softly from her lips like feathers. It was beautiful, the feeling she put into the song and the words became like a living being. She felt it to her very core and it showed as she sang for him. The gift she gave was the sound of her soul put into the words she couldn't find in a better context. The imaginary rhythm filled her and she moved with the music as though it could be felt in the atmosphere around her. It was a gentle and graceful dance that painted her heart on her sleeve more thoroughly than anything else she could say.

"The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I'm alive but I feel like I've died
And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder
I feel like I'm slipping away

After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today, someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

My whole world is the pain inside me
The best I can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I'll wonder why God lets me walk through this place
And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how you've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames

After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today, someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

Here I am at the end of me (at the end of me)
Tryin' to hold to what I can't see (to what I can't see)
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to Your promise
There will be a dawn

After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today, someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain."

She buried her head into his shoulder, the tears flowing down her face as she took in his words, accepting them. And though she cried, Cyrus thought that he might have done something good, helping this little girl find her way through this giant maze of life. At least he had made her stop blaming herself

She reminded him of himself, right after the...incident. He had been hard on himself,saying that if only he was there, If only he had known, If only, if only. It was the fact that he couldn't do anything that killed him. Death was permanent. There's no way to bring someone back, no matter how much He had fought, kicked and screamed against this fact, It was undeniable. And he had hated himself for that, believing he was just too weak, too useless to save them.

That was where Lilly was, still stuck in the rut of self-blame, a dark chasm that swallows you up, making almost impossible to dig yourself out, and in the back of your mind, you wonder if you should. Should you try to escape this feeling, or do you deserve this pain? Did you kill them? Those were the questions that kept you waited down, and it had taken him a very long and very hard time to solve that within himself. Cyrus was just glad he could pull someone else out too.

She pulled back a little, and he let go, not wanting to hurt her. She had an odd smile on her face, sadness mixed with hope, and a little happiness thrown in for good mesure. She began to sing, a song of pain and and hope, of longing, but of new beginnings. it gracefully left her lips, a beautiful feather falling from her lips into the air , imbuing the area around her with her voice. It reminded im of what he did, adding his soul into his music. And as she sang he began to dance, slow and graceful. Cyrus stood in rapt silence, listening to her song and dance

It was a hollow feeling sorta like being numb but also entirely weightless. It felt like a windstorm was raging in her chest and her heart thundered somewhere in the cage of her ribs. He watched her with complete attention. If only music could heal the world. "Do you think..." She cleared her throat and ponied up her courage. He cared about her enough to comfort her and give her his shoulder to cry upon. She could at least offer him something in return.

"I mean, would you like to p-perform together sometime?" It wasn't much but she'd already offered him her voice privately. If he liked she would come back some time to sing with him. She had tripped over her words but she was proud of herself for keeping courage enough to ask the question. Hopefully he'd accept the song in answer to his plea. She would do her best not to cry for Cyrus. It was kind of him to offer her the advice he seemed to have gained through experience. Lily tried to imagine who he had lost and what had happened. She had an idea.

"Oh, we should find somewhere else to rest. The shade is leaving." She painted a smile on her face and slipped her parasol handle over her shoulder. "I have some money left from singing on the corner earlier. We can see if I have enough for tea if you like." She straightened into her posture and offered Cyrus her arm politely. If she didn't have enough money for tea she had plenty of herbs with her that were safe for making tea. It would unfortunately end up being more of a peppermint tonic though. Would that bother him much? Oh, she supposed he might simply offer to pay the difference or something of the sort if he was a generous sort. She'd not want him to pay though so she'd just have to try and talk him into the peppermint tonic.

She finished her sad little song, letting the final note ring out.Into the market square, bouncing off of the white brick buildings that surrounded them, causing her voice to fill their little are. Damn, he thought to himself, Lilly can sing. He bagan to think of songs that would go well with her higher range, considering his bass was, well,a bass.

She seemed to have read his mind, as she asked if he ever wanted to perform with him sometime.But before he could answer her, the sun shone through the tree that had been covering both of their pale features, falling heavily over Lilly's pale features.She stood up, placing her parasol over her shoulder and offering her arm to him. She wanted to go get tea at one of the shops nearby with money she had left over from singing. That actually sounded good. He hadn't had tea in forever. He stood up, taking her arm.,
Why, Ma cher, That sounds like a lovely Idea. Almost as good as your singing, Which I would love to hear again
He smiled at her as they walked off towards the tea shop. Or was it tea house? He didn't know. It just sounded good.

Lily smiled as Cyrus moved to join her and linked his arm in hers. "If all else fails I have enough herbs in my backpack to make some. All I have as far as water goes is tonic water though. I'd rather save it for a couple of my throat potions but I can get some more if I must." She let slip the question of performing together, Cyrus would answer her directly when he was ready.

A faint blush rose to her cheeks as he complimented her singing. He really liked her singing? Maybe all of Jezza's lessons had paid off. Lily scooped up Binx and put him back in her backpack before they moved on to the house. She pulled out the odd money she'd been given for her performance and sorted through it. How much was left after her and Charli's snacks and drinks? It looked like she had just enough on average for a hot meal for one or fountain drinks for a few people. At least that's what she'd gathered from her limited view of pricing on things thus far. Maybe tea would be cheaper than a meal and more expensive than a drink? She didn't know.

She stopped suddenly, her steps halting and her thumb and finger pinching at her chin in thought as if her mind had simply wandered away with her. There was so much she had no idea about when it came to money. She hadn't even seen money in her own hand until today. She had always scavenged and scrounged. She'd eat where she could find food and regardless as to meat or not she'd eat whatever she could. Money was still very much new to her though. She had no idea what a budget was let alone how to form a budget. She didn't know all the forms of money.

No matter how she tried to count the notes of paper they didn't make sense except for the denominations. Obviously she had how ever much of it as the numbers said she did but that still didn't account for the coins that were change or the fact she was still entirely clueless how money worked beyond the cursory handing someone money and getting the thing you wanted. It had been one reason she'd been unable to really make heads or tales of the hat stand and why she hadn't already tried to buy one. She was leery of people who might try to take her earned money or lie to her to get more than needed.

Cyrus knew how it worked though. He knew more about money than she did after all! Yes, that was it. Cyrus she knew well enough to trust with such a matter. He had shown her kindness and generosity in a few fashions. Surely he'd not wish to try and weasel the fruits of her labor away. He had his own money and she was buying their tea anyways. She'd simply have to ask him. Did she have the courage left? She took a deep breath and looked to Cyrus with pleading eyes. "Mister Cyrus, I think we have a slight problem." She cleared her throat sheepishly and turned to him with a foolish grin. "I er.. I honestly have never had money until today. Would you mind helping me count it so I can make sure I have enough to get us tea?"